By Dr. Gail Cloud
Our minds can be our worst enemy. We are wired to remember every negative thing that has happened to us and to remember every hurtful thing that has been said to us or has been done to us. Why? Because our old instinctive brain was made that way for our very survival. However, in order to change and to move forward in a new way in our lives, we have to be able to rein in and control those thoughts and metabolize them and release them. Yes, this is much easier said than done. The key is to become safe in our own bodies and our own selves.
Safety is the key because when we are hurt or we are abused or when bad things happen to us, we don’t feel safe. Imagine as a small child, even a baby, when you might not know when your next meal is coming. When you may not know who is going to walk into your room. When you hear gunshots or bombs outside your door, or even inside your house. When your mother or father or caretaker gets ill or dies. When there are people fighting around you or arguing, or the rules keep changing, and on and on. There are too many examples of trauma. The more that we experience in this vain, the more we are affected. Our nervous system is ready to run and/or to fight. We become hyper aware so that we can be prepared for what is going to happen next.
The answer is so easy to say. Create new experiences. Become attracted to people and situations that are calm, peaceful, self-aware. Trust our instincts and our bodies. And that is a tough road to take because we learned not to trust and we learned to become aware of other people’s needs so that we could be “safe” and lose connection with our own instincts and bodies. Boundaries weren’t honored. Yet, that is the answer. Sometimes we have to start so small, like by waking up and asking ourselves what our body needs. Do we need to go to the bathroom, do we need to eat, to clean our bodies? And then we take the next step, and then the next, and so on.
What is important to remember is that even though it is very difficult to do these things, they can be done, and we can change.
We could even begin by constantly asking ourselves this question, “Does this feel safe? Does this person or situation feel safe?” If not, step away. Our brains are plastic and capable of change. We just have to exercise it.
Please feel free to contact me if you would like help with this process and set up an appointment. Call, 314-995-9755, or email me, gail@bodypresencing.com.
And my book is on my website and on Amazon. Check it out and the Journal that I wrote to go with it; Therapist’s Daughter. It is a story of my journey back to myself.
Gail Cloud, D.C.
Healing the Root of the Matter
BodyPresencing; be-ing through presence