Understanding And Making Peace With Emotions

By Vera Gabliani, Ph.D.

Every day I talk to girls and women about their painful experiences of feeling overwhelmed by life and their emotions. What most women have in common is the belief of being defective or not good enough in some way. In truth, our lives and our emotions are not the real issue. The core of the problem is our reactions to our situations and ourselves. I believe that in order to find greater balance and peace, it is essential to learn how to work with your emotions. Sadly, this is a skill most of us are never taught.

Emotions are merely a type of information that show up as you are moving through a choice point. Instead of being curious about and open to this valuable information, too often we have been trained to view our feelings as inconvenient or threatening. Let’s say you just had a conversation with a friend and now you are anxious. You can choose to ignore or suppress your reaction but it will show up later in a less than pleasant way.

What if, instead you paused for a moment, took a breath and asked “ Ok emotion what are you trying to tell me?” Learning to quiet your mind’s need to react is the important thing here. So slow down, be present with yourself, and in 90 seconds the emotion will start to dissipate giving you greater insight on your next move.

Often you just needed that moment to notice you were tired or perhaps taking on someone else’s feelings. Now you have an opportunity. Instead of judging yourself or them, as most of us fall into, you can realize that what you really need is some self-care. Take some time to take a drink of water, stretch or looking at something beautiful to reset your mood. If this is a recurrent feeling associated with your friend, maybe you have been putting off setting better boundaries for yourself in order to avoid potential conflict. Whatever the case, it is essential to learn how to actively work with your emotions so you can benefit from your internal guidance system in order to uncover those patterns that are no longer benefiting your growth.

With over 20 years of training and experience, I can offer you the support, guidance and valuable tools for feeling confident in working with the gift of your emotions. I look forward to your call and can be reached at (314) 966-0880.