With the holidays fast approaching I thought I would take the time to write something particularly relevant to a lot of my readers. Holiday stress is alive and well. This season, in particular, gloomy predictions of tough times ahead seem inescapable. I almost hate to watch the news for fear of another update on unemployment figures, mortgage foreclosures, the shuttering of another decades old business and falling 401 K’s. We have all heard that old saying, “If life throws you lemons then make lemonade”. I certainly don’t want to make light of people’s real fears and concerns. However, a negative attitude can add loads of stress to your situation if you let it. So, to counter all of the negativity in print and on the air, I thought that I would refresh everyone on the basics of decreasing your holiday stress. The easiest way to do this is to set realistic expectations, learn to say no to excessive obligations and make the decision to get back in touch with the real message of the holidays.

Many of you have heard me say before that unmet expectations equates to disappointment. I have noticed through the years that plenty of people put exceedingly high expectations on the holidays to look like some sort of Norman Rockwell painting. Everybody’s family has a little bit of dysfunction. And, we often want the holiday to be this grand gesture of everyone getting along, when often certain family members do not. This can create a lot of pressure to be together and live up to some image that we have created in our heads. We also put a lot of pressure and stress on ourselves to pull off the perfect dinner and have the perfectly decorated house for entertaining family and friends. I personally love the fact that I don’t have to be perfect. It is simply far too exhausting. So, if you are the one that has to put on the dinner then dial it back a notch or two. If you think you need five great sides to go along with the Turkey, then only make
three. If you think you have to get the whole outside lit up like a Christmas tree, then only light a couple of outdoor shrubs. If you think the day will only be a success if no one argues, then recall a much worse time and tell yourself you will be satisfied with anything that is better than that. Get your expectations in check and you will cut your stress in half.

Another way to reduce your holiday stress is to make sure you are adept at setting personal boundaries and limiting your obligations to something not only manageable for you, but an amount that lends itself to having an enjoyable day as well. Whether we like it or not, divorce is alive and well in America. Somebody whose parents are divorced can easily have two houses to get to on Christmas. And, if your partner has the same situation, the multiplier effect begins to operate in fine fashion. I know numerous people who report having to make 3 or 4 stops on Christmas day. Instead of looking forward to time with family or friends, they view the day as some sort of marathon event and take the attitude that all they need to do is somehow get through the day. In the end, they never really get to enjoy themselves and begin to make jokes about the holidays being something that they “just survive”. That is insanity. There is absolutely no justifiable
reason for this. If you currently find yourself in this predicament I recommend you do some work on learning to set boundaries. Tell your loved ones and family that you simply cannot continue doing this. Explain to them that you want to truly enjoy your time together and that this is no longer working for you. Negotiate some sort of compromise, perhaps alternating homes each year. I know that many of us don’t want to hurt a loved one’s feelings, but showing up stressed out and not really being present is something they can sense easily as well. You will have a much better time if you focus on quality time versus quantity time during the holidays.

Finally, during these uneasy economic times, it is important that we put the commercialism aside and get back to the important messages associated with the holidays. Parents are upset because they may not be able to provide the kind of gifts from holidays past. And, they don’t want to burden their children with such grown up issues. However, honesty is always a good policy. Don’t scare them to death, but let your children know that this is going to be a slimmer year. Teaching them that you can only buy what you can afford is perhaps one of the greatest life lessons you can pass on to them. Get into the spirit of giving in a whole new way. Give each of your kids a coupon for an entire afternoon of your time exclusively. We all know that children need lots of attention and this is a great way to get it. Get out of your heads if you are worried about the economy. Gather up your family and help the elderly couple down the street rake up the
leaves. Teach your kids that the spirit of giving doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with money. Instead of buying expensive candy, spend a Sunday afternoon baking cookies with the family. Or, go get a few items and drop them off at the food pantry. I hear that the food banks are just about empty. Do something for someone else as a way to get your mind off of your current worries. If you get into the true, free spirit of giving it will do a lot to alleviate your holiday stress this year.