Starting Off on the Right
Foot
By Dr. James Feinberg, Child Clinical Psychologist
School is just around the corner. Few parents are probably
thinking about their children’s peer relationships.
Most of us incorrectly assume that children know how to
make friends, and that this is an automatic process. Perhaps,
for some kids, this is true. For many, it’s not.
Another false assumption we make is that if childhood
friendships aren’t working, kids will eventually
figure it out. Sadly, many kids just don’t know
what to do to make friends or what they’re doing
that causes their peers to avoid them.
What constitutes a peer problem may be a mystery for
many parents. Therefore, here are a few early warning
signs to look out for: Other children are avoiding your
child at school, in the neighborhood, and/or not inviting
them to birthday parties; your child being bullied by
other kids; your child being overly controlling or bossy
with other kids; your child being unable to tolerate
losing at games without losing his or her temper; your
child engaging in excessive boasting and bragging; and/or,
your child being reluctant to initiate any type of interaction
with other kids.
Obviously, the earlier we assist kids, the better the
outcome, and the more quickly they learn what works
because they haven’t learned bad habits and their
self-esteem and their self-worth haven’t been
damaged.
Pet assisted therapy and play therapy are very effective
approaches for both children and teenagers with peer
problems (& numerous other problems as well). Basically,
play therapy is fun because we play various games. However,
it’s more than just fun and games because a lot
of good work gets done. Indirectly, kids learn better
ways of interacting socially as well as more effective
ways of dealing with frustration. It’s easy, enjoyable,
and very productive.
In pet assisted therapy, kids have ample opportunity
to interact with Dude who is my handsome, huggable,
but shy 7 year old German Shepherd. Dude helps kids
learn in a relaxed and accepting atmosphere how to change
as well as monitor their social behavior. For example,
when Dude is less willing to interact with kids, I verbally
mediate to kids what is occurring and what it means.
Then, I encourage kids to try other behaviors and see
what happens. When Dude steps forward, I praise kids
for doing the right thing. Most kids rather quickly
learn in this loving atmosphere that what works with
Dude will also work with their peers.
So, please don’t assume or wait, add your child’s
peer relationships to the top of your to do list and guarantee
his or her success…
For more information, contact Dr. James Feinberg at 314-966-0880.
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